We have always thought we would have more than two kids. M would say we should have four or five and I would laugh and say lets have two and then we’ll talk but I assumed a third would happen. Now neither of us is sure if we want any more. I am completely exhausted with the two I havr and they are both relatively easygoing. I worry about whether there is enough of me to go around- what if #3 was very high maintenance or had special needs? Some days I feel like I am drowning and I know I have it so good. I hate being pregnant and I feel like I missed and am missing so much of Maxs toddlerhood being exhausted. I worry Marshall will get shafted by being made a middle child.
And yet- there is still part of me that wants one more, to have a big family, to give my kids more than one sibling, something my brother and I always wished for but didn’t have. For now we have decided to wait to even talk about it until Mars turns one. His birthday is three weeks after I turn 35 so the clock is ticking. But first I desperately need sleep. Until then, a pair of beautiful boys will do.