No Sleep

13 Feb

I am so tired. For the past two weeks the kids have been taking turns waking up multiple times a night. Last night they each woke up twice and I jolted awake an extra time thinking that I had heard one of them. Max likes to sleep with his lights on so it takes me forever to go back to sleep when I get up with him because I really am awake. M usually takes care of Max at night and I take Mars but M was so tired yesterday I decided to take them all last night and I was kind of a zombie today. They are mostly fine during the day, I think at least for Max, laying down causes a sore throat and he wakes up in pain and scared. I’m not entirely sure why Mars is waking up. Maybe something similar, though he nurses and goes right back to sleep which does not suggest it’s a pain issue.
I joined a new gym, planning to go early in the morning before M leaves for work, but the kids have been keeping me up so much I haven’t had the energy.
I don’t often apply for jobs because it wouldn’t make much difference financially for me to work by the time we paid for childcare, there aren’t that many part-time jobs around and even fewer that get me excited, but I did find one recently that I really got excited about, which is bad, because the last time I got my hopes up about a job I didn’t even get an interview, even though I was very well qualified and I was upset about it. But this time I did everything I possibly could—I wrote an obscenely long cover letter detailing all the ways I am qualified and excited about the job and then dropped it off in person. The hiring person wasn’t there unfortunately, but I at least got contact info to follow up. That’s really all I can do. But what keeps me awake at night is even if I got the job (and I’m not entirely sure how many hours it would be, the ad was vague other than being part-time), I don’t know what I’d do with my kids. Max is thriving at his preschool and I’d hate to have to pull him out. Most of the really good daycares around us have waitlists, are expensive and or only full-time. I have explored looking for a nanny in the past which is not only expensive, but difficult to find someone good. It would be more logical to wait until there was an issue to stress about it since most of the time when I apply for jobs I hear nothing, but that’s not how my brain works.

Marathon of Sick

4 Feb

We have had a rough first week of having a three year old.  On the day after Max’s birthday we had a family party with my inlaws and my mom.  He had a good time, got some fun presents, ate lots of cake.  We also changed his bed to a toddler bed and took away his pacifiers—a risky move to do it all at once.  He didn’t nap on the day of his party, but  was so tired that night he went right to sleep and didn’t jump out of bed or get too upset about not having his pacis.  The next day sickness took hold.  Mars threw up in his bed after his nap.  Thinking perhaps he’d just eaten too much or something that didn’t agree with him, we went out to lunch and to a park.  When we got home I tried to get Max to nap again and then he threw up too (and still no nap).   He thew up a couple more times and I kept him home from school on Monday, sure he’d be well again by Wednesday since he is usually pretty resilient.  I regret that I took them to the mall playground where they likely infected many other children, because I didn’t realize they were that sick—they often throw up one day and are fine the next—but not this time. By evening he had a fever, which persisted into Thursday when I gave up and took him to the doctor, who said he likely had a virus, prescribed vitamin C, probiotics and lots of fluids.  I had her look in Mars’ ears and he had an ear infection too so fun all around.  Max has had almost no appetite for over a week, mainly drinking watered down juice and eating a cracker here or there.   He has a hard time sleeping because he coughs so much, and he swallows all the stuff he coughs up despite our pleading to spit it out, which makes him eventually throw up.   Mars had a rough night Saturday and woke up every couple of hours coughing and then he slept all day yesterday—8 hours of naps.  Meanwhile we have been cooped up inside for over a week now, with both of them just wanting to be snuggled by Mom, which is sweet but also exhausting, especially since they both want to be the only one being snuggled by Mom.  Far too much screen time, we have to discourage Max from running around or playing too rough because it makes him cough, and coughing makes him throw up.  He has never been sick this long—I feel so bad for him.  On top of that, every person at his birthday party, except so far (knock on wood!) M and me got sick.  All the grandparents, Aunt, Uncle, Cousin quite sick.  I guess it’s good we didn’t have a bigger party!  The one silver lining in a way, has been that Max, who normally isn’t all that cuddly, who usually says “yuck!” when I kiss him (thanks whomever taught him that) and only gives me “silly hugs” has been very cuddly in his illness.  “Mom let’s snuggle!  Mom please hug me, Mom I wuv you!” adorable.

Max turns Three!

2 Feb

3Three (2) P1650912 P1650913 P1650915


My Max,

Today you are three years old.  Three is such a funny in between age—you are not a baby anymore, but you aren’t quite a big kid either.  When you are at preschool, I see you with your friends, many of whom are four and five years old and you look so little still.  But other times you come bursting into the room, telling me involved stories, usually about Superheroes (your new obsession) and I marvel at how big you are.

You are testing your independence.   When I try to kiss you you say “yuck!” and you frequently only want to give me “silly hugs.”  And yet when I pick you up from preschool you run and throw your arms around my leg, and other times you will kiss my leg or my arm out of the blue.  You still mostly want to be right next to me, and follow me all over the house.  Your favorite, though, is still your Dad, and you tell me this repeatedly, that Dad is your favorite or your best or your hero.  I can’t blame you—Dad is still the most fun, and you play games with him for hours every evening when he gets home.

You have had a year to get used to having a little brother now, and in that year your brother has grown to be occasionally a playmate, and often a frustration.  He is now big enough to constantly get into your stuff, try and take your toys and wreck whatever you were building, but not old enough to understand when you tell him you don’t like that.  Sometimes you are very sweet to him, and try to teach him about things and play chase together—those are my very favorite times, when you play nicely together and he giggles in glee because you are his favorite and his hero.

You are sweet, and cautious, and kind.  You almost always ask me before you take flying leaps off of things, or grab stuff off the counter.  You try to protect me when Dad is playing rough and you are worried I might get hurt.  You love to help me in the kitchen and we frequently cook together, or you help me unload the dishwasher.

You are still very interested in cars and trucks and other vehicles, but you are newly into superheroes, something I think you picked up from the bigger kids at school, and cemented by our one million viewings of the “Lego Movie” with which you are obsessed.  Everything is “super” your red shoes are your “super shoes” your firetruck is a “super fire truck” and the only shirt you want to wear is your Superman shirt.  At school you play mostly with the big boys, particularly a boy named Cian who is two years older than you and whom you informed me makes you “feel better” when you are sad at school.   I was very worried when you started school because you take awhile to warm up to new situations and you had never been away from me before with anyone but family, but you warmed up quickly and now you love it and have so much fun there. (Swimming lessons on the other hand, did not go very well).

I love you so much Maxer.  You are a joy and make me laugh so many times a day.  Happy Birthday my love.




New Year, Still Here

19 Jan

It’s been six weeks since I stopped working.  We had a rough Fall of sickness—the worst of it being M and me.  The kids would be sort of sick for a few days (including Max coughing until he threw up several times on Christmas Eve, resulting in my sleeping on his bedroom floor).  But mostly M and I have been exhausted and we are just now (knock on wood) coming back around to feeling normal again.  I hope we are done.

I am settling into being a full-time stay at home mom.  I keep looking at part-time jobs, but there are very few out there that seem worth leaving the kids and paying for daycare.  I see them growing up at a breathtakingly fast rate and I am trying to soak up these days of them being so small, even when it wears me out, because I know it will be gone too soon.  That said, I am so grateful for preschool—the days that Max doesn’t go to school are very long, mostly because the weather isn’t usually conducive to playing outside and it’s a long time to be cooped up inside with two rowdy boys.   We have had a few playdates, and last Thursday I took the boys to the zoo, even though it was raining and 37 degrees.  We had a nice time—we got to see the giraffes up close while they were being fed, saw some hibernating bears, and played in the indoor play space when it got too rainy.  It did destroy Mars’ naps for the day, which I suspected.  He is trying to transition to one nap, which usually results in him being incredibly fussy for some stretch of the day.  If I put him down in the morning, often he will sleep for 3 hours and then be a disaster by 5pm because he won’t take a second nap.  Or I can make him stay up until late morning, and then he’s going to pieces at 10am.  At this very moment he is taking his second nap of the day though—on the rare occasions it works out it is SUCH a blessing.

The one day when the boys woke up from naps before it got dark and it was sunny we went to a park, only to have Max fall and split his lip after 20 minutes.  Then I had the lovely task of carrying a screaming, bleeding kid and a squirmy toddler the considerable distance back to the car.  (It was a park I hate, in part because of the large distance from the play area to the parking, and also because it is huge and I am afraid of losing them.  I don’t think I will go there again alone with the boys—I only went there at all because Max insisted).

I didn’t find the energy to write about Christmas, but it was lovely, and just what I wanted.  We stayed home, M’s family came over, and the boys were excited about their gifts but we didn’t go overboard with too much stuff, and it was all just so magical and exciting for them.  I just took the Christmas stuff down yesterday and as much as I like Christmas it is a relief to have it gone—I find Christmas décor in January terribly depressing, like Spring will never come.

I am getting ready for Max’s birthday this week.  I seriously considered doing a birthday party with friends from preschool at a venue, but he is still fairly shy and I am not sure he would really like that, so we are sticking with family only again this year.  We are having all M’s family, and my mom over this weekend and then going to the Children’s museum.  He is very excited.  Three is a funny age—when I see him with his friends at school, many of whom are four and five, he still seems so little.  But sometimes he comes barreling in the room, chattering in full sentences and I wonder where this big boy came from.

We are planning to switch him to a toddler bed AND get rid of the pacifiers this weekend, which I fear will be a total disaster and possibly the end of naps for good, but you never know.  He has had weeks of discussion about what will happen with that when he is three but the concept is different than the reality.  The pacifier thing especially seems rough, but the dentist says it needs to go, so I guess it’s time—we probably would have done it last year except it seemed mean to take it away just as baby brother was coming into the world.

Speaking of my not so baby boy, he is still hell bent on climbing everything he can and has had some very near disasters.  He is also incredibly sweet and cuddly and will climb into my lap any time I sit down (and sometimes into random other people’s laps too—on more than one occasion at indoor play areas or playdates he has sat himself down in another mom’s lap).   He also now repeatedly takes me by the hand and leads me around the house, often to the door or to the bathtub as if to say, now we should go somewhere mom, or now we should go outside.  He gets very upset when I don’t go along with his ideas.

I went to add pictures to this post and I got overwhelmed by the volume of pics.  Maybe next time.

Goodbye Job

9 Dec

Five years ago I started in the hospital that would become my work home as a new intern.  I remember being led by my instructor, along with seven other interns around the confusing hallways that all looked the same, being shuttled from one office to another as we got badges and computer passwords, parking permissions and lab coats.    I started my job in that same hospital only a few months after finishing my internship.  Over the five years I spent in that hospital I got to know where things were.  No longer were the hallways confusing and overwhelming.  Just as staff were kind to my classmates and I pointing us in the right direction in those first weeks, so I had come to be able to help others find their way.  Today I was reminded of that first day as I snaked my way through in reverse, returning my access cards, surrendering my computer, and having passwords revoked.  Some people spend their whole careers in a single hospital, but that is not the life of a grant funded contractor.   It’s time to move on.

Things I will not miss:  the commute that was at best an hour each way, and on a truly terrible day could stretch to 3 hours in the car.  Getting up at 4am to teach classes at 6:30.  Endless required trainings that had little to do with my actual job.

What I will miss most: my boss, my co-workers and my patients.  The most flexible and accommodating job ever.  Using the parts of my brain that store a Master’s Degree in Nutrition.

All my mom ever wanted was to be able to stay home with us, and she was never able to do it.  Being a full-time stay at home mom has never appealed to me.  I need adult interaction, a challenge, structure, dry clean only clothes now and then.  And yet here, on a silver platter is the one gift my mom never got to have—time with my kids while they are little.  More money would be nice, but childcare is expensive so going back to work isn’t necessarily that helpful financially.  I am still looking for a job, but it has to be something (part-time) that really is great in terms of pay and fulfillment the way the job I just left was, preferably with a shorter commute.  I KNOW I am lucky.  But I still will miss work.

Croupy Thanksgiving

3 Dec

Almost every year M gets sick around Thanksgiving.  It’s tradition.  He was sick for the couple weeks before this year though residual symptoms linger.  The Saturday before Thanksgiving we had our first celebration with my in-laws.  It was combined birthday for both Mars and his Uncle C and Thanksgiving (those two are going to have to have combined birthday for all eternity.  Sorry guys).   It was great fun.  Mars enjoyed his gluten-free and vegan pumpkin muffin with whipped cream (I know, I’m the mean dietitian mom who doesn’t give one year olds real cake.   By two they can have the real deal, ok? )

20141122_152357 20141122_155708

We had a lovely time and very fortunately did not pass the germs we didn’t know we were incubating to baby A.  The next morning poor Mars woke up with the saddest croupy cough.   He may have caught what his Dad had, but I think more likely he picked something up at childcare on Friday while I was at my MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) meeting.  He was so very sick—Sunday night I seriously considered taking him to urgent care because he was wheezing so much.  Instead we sat up at 2am in the bathroom with the shower running, alternating with cold air outside.  Lucky for me he was scheduled for his one year old well-child Monday morning so we got to see his doctor.  You know your kid is sick when their naturopathic pediatrician recommends a steroid inhaler.   The internet will tell you that croup lasts for 2-3 days.  I suppose that means the barking like a seal sounding part of the cough—the virus part lasted a full seven days, and even though he is mostly better almost two weeks later, he still has a runny nose and coughs at night.  My darling son was kind enough to share his germs with me, and by the day before Thanksgiving I knew I was doomed as congestion started to build in my lungs.  But the show must go on—I had Thanksgiving dinner for 9 adults and 2 kids to prepare.  My parents arrived Tuesday night and my mom and I cooked all day Wednesday and Thursday.  The cooking was fun, but having a very sick, fussy baby who only wanted his mom was stressful.   At one point I was cooking with him strapped to my back.

20141127_151420 20141127_134715

I was very proud of my pinterest inspired, crafty table—pumpkins as vases, tissue paper flower place card holders and faux candles.  Plus I used my formal china for the first time (we have been married almost 14 years) though I didn’t have enough place settings and had to use some regular dishes too.

We had a lovely time with my parents, aunt, uncle and three college aged cousins.  My cousin W, continued a long tradition of tiny boys wearing out their teenaged older cousins.  When my brother was little he adored playing with our much older cousin, and when W was little he loved to play with my then teenaged brother.  Now Max has continued the tradition and ran circles around the house with a very patient W.  We had entirely too much pie (there were 5 pies for 10 people plus cupcakes!) and a lovely visit.  By Friday morning the virus was hitting me and I ended up staying in bed most of the weekend while my super hero husband wrangled the children, did dishes and went to the store.

I am coming to terms with my job of four years ending next week.  I went into work for part of the day yesterday, even though I probably shouldn’t have because I was (am) still pretty sick.  Four years is the longest I have worked anywhere, and I have really enjoyed my job.  Unfortunately when you work as a contractor funded by grants, eventually the grants come to an end and so does the job—but I feel incredibly fortunate to have had such an interesting, challenging and flexible job while I both started my professional career and had two babies.  I am still looking for what’s next for me—it has to be something part-time that is interesting enough, and pays enough, to be worth the kids being in childcare, and there aren’t a lot of part-time dietitian jobs out there yet.  I won’t mind too much staying home with the boys for a while, but I also really like working so I hope the right thing presents itself soon.

Happy Birthday Baby

21 Nov

z birthday

November 21, 2014

Dear Marshall,

I can’t believe you are turning one already!  Your first year has been a crazy and busy one, it flew by.  You are such a happy, smiley baby.  Everywhere we go people comment on how smiley you are.  You are also fiercely determined—you wanted so badly to crawl, and then to walk—at 10 months you were taking your first determined little steps, and delighted in practicing your walking by holding someone’s hand and stomping through the house with glee.  By 11 months you were walking on your own, and now nearly running.  Since you were a tiny newborn it has seemed that all you wanted to do is participate; play with Max and Dad and run around doing whatever silly thing they were up to.  You are very independent and very busy and oh my you like to climb.  I am constantly grabbing things you have pulled out of the recycle bin, or found on the floor out of your little hands.  You try to climb the couch, the stairs, the tv cabinet, your brother—anything you can, all while laughing with delight at your new skills.  When you make up your mind to do something you are determined to do it and get frustrated when it doesn’t work, such as trying to squeeze through tiny spaces not big enough for you.  Last night you insisted on walking around carrying a giant pillow in each hand and got very mad when you kept tipping over.  We tried not to laugh at you but you were just so adorable.

I worried about you around six months, as you weren’t gaining weight fast enough and didn’t seem all that interested in eating.  It wasn’t until you gained the skills a few months later to feed yourself that food became interesting and now you are a very enthusiastic eater, your favorites being any kind of meat and sweet potatoes, as long as you get to do it yourself.

You are always interested in what Max is doing, and don’t understand why he gets upset when you get in the middle of it and try and put whatever toy he was using in your mouth.  He pushes you around sometimes (for which he is constantly getting in trouble) but mostly you are pretty tough and just roll with it.

You have a lot to say—often just yelling gibberish for the joy of hearing your own voice, but you also have a handful of words.

You call me Mom or momma, and after months of also calling Dad “momma” you now can say “Dad.”  Max is “Mah”

You say “dog” and “go” and “walk” and “all done.” You are pretty good at mimicking most words (you love to copy Max especially) though you don’t necessarily know what you are saying.

You are mostly a pretty good sleeper- you wake up no more than once most nights, unless you are teething, though you have been refusing to nap fairly often lately, as if you think that now that you are walking you are too big for naps.

You always want to be with me or Dad, and even if you are playing happily, if I get up and leave the room you will follow me.  Sometimes when your grandparents are visiting you cling tightly to me, since they often watch you if I am at work, you seem to think you’d better hold on in case I try and leave.

You are my sunny, happy, busy love—I am so incredibly blessed to be your Mom.  I am delighted to watch you grow up and see the little boy you are becoming, and also a little sad that your delicious, snuggly baby days are quickly coming to an end.

I love you more than you will ever know—Happy Birthday my Marzy.

Love, Mom

Conversations with Max

4 Nov

Every day, sometimes multiple times a day, Max will ask me “is it one day?” What he means by this is, has one day passed since I last had my vitamins so I can have them again? (Chewable vitamins are apparently delicious).
Yesterday we were at Trader Joes and I picked up an advent calendar, remembering my friend told me they sell out long before December. I explained to Max that for every day in December until Christmas there is a door with a treat inside. He said, “like an apple?”
I was explaining to him all the holidays coming up in Fall and Winter, which end with Christmas and his birthday. We talked a little bit about Santa and then he wanted to know when it is Santa’s birthday.
Whenever he sees me use head phones he immediately wants to try and “put those white things in my ears”

A couple of weeks ago was picture day at school. The director told me later that they let Max stay in the main room where the pictures were being taken for a half hour hoping he would warm up. He cheered for all the other kids and told them they looked good and they were doing a good job, but he would not allow the photographer to take his picture. I asked him why later, and he said something like, “you already have lots of pictures Mom.” Which is entirely true.



I described trick or treating several times before Halloween, emphasizing the candy at the end (though he has had candy so few times I am not sure he really even gets what it is). He told me quite emphatically each time “I not want to do that” so no trick or treating was done over here which was fine with me! He was equally nonplussed about costumes in general. A month or so before Halloween I pulled up pictures of costumes I thought he might like online. He was very interested in the pictures but was insistent he did not want to dress up. Finally I pulled up a picture of him in the cat eared hoodie I made him last year. He decided he wanted to do that again. Last year’s costume was too small so I made another one and Mars wore the old one so we were all cats.
I use the fabric bags I used to use for holding dirty cloth diapers for kitchen rags now. Max pulled a clean one out of the laundry and announced it was his sleeping bag.

The boys and I got our flu shots on the same day (though they at the doctor and me at the pharmacy). Max insisted on holding my hand while I got mine so I wouldn’t be scared.
We got him this clock to help him know when it is time to get up in the morning after several mornings of him insisting he wanted to get up at 5am. This morning he told me he waited and waited and then “POP! It turned green and it was time to get up”. We will see when we switch him to a big boy bed in January if he continues to obey the clock.
He was very proud of himself for helping me make a birthday cake this weekend. Whenever I ask if he wants to help cook he says he needs his apron and will not proceed until I tie it on.
He is maybe 70% there with potty training. Sometimes he is very good about telling me he needs to go—one evening M was working late and I left Max watching a show while I was nursing Mars upstairs and putting him to bed. I heard Max downstairs go in the bathroom and shut the door which worried me—what the heck was he getting into? I put Mars to bed quickly and ran down stairs, where I found Max sitting on the potty by himself, singing a little song. When he saw me he looked up with a grin and said “I peed!” Other days we have accident after accident and he usually will hide somewhere instead of telling me he needs to go #2—most of the time I catch him and make him go. Slowly but surely we will get there.
Max talks constantly about another boy at preschool. This boy is two years older than Max and is the oldest in the class—all the little boys seem to hero worship this kid which is hilarious. Max was smitten with him when one day the boy called him “Max-cat” which apparently was hilarious. Thus, whenever Max tells me he doesn’t want to go to school in the morning I tell him this kid will miss him.
A week or two ago he was absolutely impossible. Every little thing caused a tantrum, he was waking in the night crying, or having night terrors(?) where he would cry in his sleep. I began to despair that this is what three years old was going to be like and M and I started to think that maybe two kids is plenty for sure. He was also getting over a cold so I think the sleep disruption was partially due to that. At any rate he is back to being his mostly sunny self, with the usual battles over putting on shoes, or leaving the house in general.
The cold we all have had has dragged on and on. I think I had two back to back—I had bad congestion, sore throat, runny nose, lost my voice for a few mornings, and then it was mostly better, and then it all came back. M, Max and I all continue to cough sporadically, and both boys have endless runny noses. Cold and flu season is definitely here. I started taking lots more vitamin C in hopes of fending off further germs.
Our house construction was supposed to be done a month ago. They are mostly done, but a few odds and ends remain, and inevitably we will have no workers here for days and then the one day I schedule a playdate and have a house full of kids and moms there are construction workers tromping through as well. I will be very glad when it’s all done.

Oh biscuit!

17 Oct

Max recently started exclaiming “Oh Biscuit!” as a sort of toddler curse, instead of “oh darn” or something. I asked him where this came from and he thought for a moment and said, “from you!” I was quite sure I have never said such a thing (though it is so great I might start). Then one evening I was having trouble attaching the high chair tray and I realized I do say “Son of a biscuit!” on occasion, so he was right.

Mars has been fussy the past few days, only wanting to be held by me, but also squirmy and not really wanting that either. I think he is teething, and he is close to walking (M. claims he walked 6 steps today but no one but M saw, so I refuse to believe it). Night sleep has been not good, waking every 3 hours, but I haven’t wanted to sleep train because he is so distracted and busy during the day he doesn’t nurse much and I want to make sure he’s getting enough milk. After he turns one I will likely work on reducing the night wakings. This morning he woke up at 5am and neither of us really went back to sleep. He squirmed around in his bed for an hour until we both gave up and got up at 6.

Over the last three weeks I have really focused on eating extremely well now that we are home in our house. I have lost a little weight and feel pretty good, but I’m still hitting a wall of exhaustion every afternoon. I probably just need a nap, but the window when both kids are asleep is small, and my list of chores (and tv shows I’m behind on, which I watch while folding laundry) is long.

I’m too tired to think of any more things to say and Max is calling from his bed that he wants to get out at 9:30pm. Always something.

10 Months Old

22 Sep

20140901_174617Mars turned 10 months old yesterday. I do such a terrible job documenting his milestones, but things have just been way too chaotic. He is the happiest, sunniest little guy. He really is no trouble most of the time. But that doesn’t mean he is placid. This child is fiercely determined.   He has basically two main objectives: walk, and climb stuff. He is not yet walking, but he wants to so badly, and he is so very close. He can cruise along holding the furniture or someone’s hands pretty quickly, he just hasn’t quite mastered doing it independently but I know it is coming soon. He also is an incredible climber. Quick as lightening he climbs chairs, the refrigerator, people—that’s only going to get worse which makes me so nervous. He is so much more independent in his play than Max was, I am worried what he is going to get into (or up on) when I’m not watching! After a couple of weeks of sleeping 13 hours straight at night he cut a tooth which had him (and me) up every two hours and now he’s back to sleeping 3-4 hour stretches. There is still another tooth pending. We are also back to sleeping in the same room—he sleeps in the walk in closet of the bedroom in the tiny basement we are renting while our endless home construction drags on. M and Max sleep at our house. Mars and I wake each other up I think. Sometimes I will take him to bed with me for an hour or two, but he can’t get comfortable with my holding onto him and fusses and then tries to crawl away and in the end gets dumped back in his own bed. I am very worried about him falling off the bed. Too bad though, I miss the baby snuggles.  He also is trying hard to communicate. He definitely says “mama” to me, and “mah” to Max. He also says “wah” when you hold his hands and help him walk. He has started experimenting with “gah” sounds but has no “D’s” yet so Dad gets called Mama too. He spends a lot of time “talking” to us, though I’m not sure what he’s trying to say most of the time.  He is very bold and social. When we go to the park he wants to go play with every kid he sees there, and grins at all the adults.

We are in the home stretch of this project but I am feeling very stagnant and melancholy. I think the problem is that at the same time we moved to this tiny, dusty, spider filled basement, Max started school and we went from spending as much time as possible walking outside in the fresh air to a new schedule where I am pinned in this basement by naps for much of the day. I drop Max at school and then come home for Mars to take a nap. Then we go to the gym, or doctors appointments or errands, and then pick up Max. Max eats second lunch (he gets lunch at school but always seems to be still hungry) and then sleeps for 3-4 hours, during which time Mars usually will sleep another hour or two. So I spend a good 6 hours a day waiting for the kids to wake up in a space that is probably 600 square feet. In the last place we rented, where I never sat down, I got a lot of exercise just going up and down the hall to check on the kids, cleaning things, and generally pacing (there was something about that place that made it really hard to relax). Now there is nowhere to walk and I sit all the time which I don’t like.

Mine are absolutely first world problems and I am incredibly fortunate that this living arrangement is temporary. I do have extra empathy now for people displaced by storms or financial situations who lose their homes. Feeling transient and without your own space is incredibly disheartening and demoralizing—I can only imagine how much worse it would be to have no end in sight. It is chaotic for kids and stressful for everyone. At least now we are across the street from our house and I can go there regularly and feel a little burst of happy home vibes, even if it is empty and covered in sawdust and tools.20140914_100628  IMG_20140910_202859


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 33 other followers

%d bloggers like this: