7 Quick Takes

TGIF people.  Go see Jen for a much more amusing and well written post than mine.

1.

If you are or have ever been preggo, read this hilarious week by week breakdown by Amlah.   I read it when I was pregnant last time and look forward to re-reading it each week.

 

2.

On Wednesday I looked in the mug I left on my desk at work with tea in it and there was MOLD growing in it.  I took it to the sink to rinse it out and instead had to run to the bathroom to puke.  Isn’t pregnancy fun?  (Dear baby, I wasn’t going to drink the moldy tea, I swear.  No need for the high alert.)

 

3.

Someone tell me why the Season Finale of Grey’s Anatomy has to be so melodramatic and involve the cast in danger of death every single year?  And why do I keep watching?  I don’t know.  I have a hard time of letting go of shows I’ve watched since the beginning, even when they aren’t as good anymore.

 

4.

Last night Max very emphatically told M he was all done with dinner.  20 minutes later I was sitting at the table eating and he wanted to sit in my lap and proceeded to eat most of my dinner as well.   Baby mooch! He is a total bottomless pit lately.  We have a huge breakfast around 7am, he usually eats 2 eggs scrambled with vegetables, a banana, and a piece of gluten-free toast with almond butter.  He tells me he is done and less than an hour later he is hungry again.  I used to feed him yogurt or cheese then, but since we’ve been off dairy it’s a struggle to figure out what else to give him.

 

5.

Max has mastered his own version of the sign for “help.”  It looks a bit like an old timey “victory” hand clasp shake.   This is very cute except most of the time I am unsure what he is trying to accomplish so it’s difficult to actually help.  Sometimes I think it’s more of a sign for, “Mommy you do it.”

 

6.

I’m at that awkward stage of pregnancy where I look maybe pregnant, maybe just starting to get a bit fat.  I teach classes at work on weight management and I sometimes wonder if my patients think I really should start taking my own advice. And yet it feels weird to announce my pregnancy during class– usually as a practitioner you want to keep the focus on the patients, not on you.  Awkward.

 

7.

One of my top two all-time most popular posts, is this one about how out of control my boobs were in my last pregnancy.  (Clearly, lots of pervs being disappointed when they find my blog rambling about pregnancy instead of porn).   So strange that thus far, none of that has happened to me this time.  Maybe it’s because I’m still nursing but I’m exactly the same size as I was before I got pregnant, which was pretty close to my pre-Max size (I think.  I have needed new bras for awhile but stubbornly refuse to spend a bunch of money when I know my size will change again any second). 

 

Party Crashing and a Battery

Max went rogue today.  We went to a park that I like because it has a designated toddler area.  The park is next to a community center field where a lot of children were having recess and Max was mesmerized by a group of preschoolers playing with a ball (I’ll call it soccer but, they were 3-5 year olds, so it was half kicking, half throwing the ball).  Max determinedly crossed 40 yards of grass twice while saying ball! ball!  and I finally gave up and let him go, knowing he wouldn’t actually be able to take the ball away from the big kids. The teacher was very sweet and let him chase her students, and she reminded them that he is little and not to knock him down.  This child was determined to play with that ball and did his best to chase the 4 year olds, while they thought it was hilarious “where is that baby going?”

Later, as if I haven’t learned the dangers, I was laying on the floor while Max played and he threw a plastic box down at my head and split my lip at the corner.  I look like someone beat me up– that someone is 2.5 feet tall.  Every time I lay on the floor I get beaned by something.  Eventually maybe I will learn.

Not so crunchy; tandem nursing and a cloth diaper fail

There are many stereotypes about “natural” approaches to parenting.  I have friends who are very extreme in both directions.  I have friends who don’t wear deodorant, make their own soap, buy all their food at the farmer’s market, don’t vaccinate, nurse their babies until they are 3, co-sleep for infinity etc.  I also have friends who are quick to medicate their children for every little thing, formula feed from day one, think cloth diapers are absurd, and feed their kids processed, dyed sugar snacks every day. 

I fall somewhere in the middle, though leaning heavily in the crunchier, hippy direction.  Max eats all whole foods, he has never had a cookie or food dye.  He has had some vaccinations, but not all of them (yet– we are vaccinating, just spreading it out over time so he doesn’t get tons of them all at once).  He sees a naturopath that specializes in children, rather than a pediatrician.  When he had an ear infection, we gave him ear drops made of garlic and some other stuff that made him smell like pizza (another thing he’s never had).  It’s not that I plan to keep my kids in a bubble and prevent them from having treats forever, but at under two years old I have control of his environment.  He doesn’t miss having cake because he doesn’t know what it is.   Every year after this I will have less and less control of all the crap he’s exposed to and that’s fine– but for now, he gets kale and sweet potatoes.

He’s also still nursing, which has been an interesting dilemma.  My original plan was to nurse for around 18 months, and then start trying to get pregnant while maybe weaning by two.  We got pregnant when Max was 13 months old.  He wasn’t drinking any sort of dairy beverage (and isn’t now since dairy maybe gives him Eczema– we are trying a month without it to see if that’s the cause).  When I first got pregnant my milk supply went to almost nothing and I was very sad thinking that might be the end, but he hung in there and it rebounded somewhat.  I stopped pumping at work, and we gradually cut back to nursing twice a day– morning and bedtime.  If he doesn’t decide he’s done on his own before the baby comes, I will allow him to continue, probably once a day after, hoping it will ease the jealousy, until he’s ready to stop on his own or until I can’t deal anymore.  For awhile after my milk supply dropped he was demanding to nurse every 10 minutes during the day and nursing while pregnant HURTS and I was miserable.  We are at a much more agreeable compromise now.  So, nursing a nearly 16 month old = fairly crunchy.

However, after using mostly cloth diapers since Max was a month old, we have abruptly switched to disposables.  We were using disposables some of the time before– at night and if he had a rash that required cream, or if exhausted and spacy pregnant mommy just didn’t wash the diapers in time and we ran out.  But at right around 15 months old, there was a sudden and dramatic change in the consistency of the diaper contents (I’m sorry, we are talking about diapers– if you don’t want to read about poop, I don’t blame you and just scroll down).  Dumping his diapers used to just involve turning it upside down over the toilet.  This was a whole other breed of mess that was MUCH too involved to get clean.  It was too mean to the babysitter, too disgusting for the retching pregnant lady, and too much work for M who was having to clean them when he got home from work.  I have had several other friends give up on cloth at this age for the same reason.  I don’t know if we will go back or not with Max.  I still will likely use them for the new baby for the first year since we have them– the first six months is easy because they don’t even have to be rinsed first until they start solid food.  They save money and are better for the environment and much much cuter, but holy CRAP (literally) there is only so much I can deal with.  So, in this respect, not so crunchy. 

The power of soup

Today I was feeling a little sad and missing my mom, who lives in another state.  We “talk” via text everyday but I was sad I couldn’t spend Mother’s Day with her.  I was on my way to Trader Joes and had a sudden craving for the Lentil Soup she used to always make when we were kids.  I rarely eat beans these days– they don’t digest all that well.  But I needed soup, this soup.  I texted her to ask for the recipe, and while Max napped I alternated making soup and snoozing myself.

Eating the delicious and simple soup was what I needed.  It felt like home.  Max liked it too.

Happy Mother’s Day, whether you like it or not

I am seeing a surprising number of blog posts and articles floating around the internet talking about how sucky Mother’s Day is.  Apparently, because somewhere someone decided that Mother’s Day = mothers laying around eating bon bons and never lifting a finger, a day that doesn’t achieve this ideal is a disappointment, and therefore, the whole day sucks.  I’ve also seen the argument that it brings up hard feelings for people who are trying to conceive or lost their mom or some other life hardship.  I have deep empathy for those in the second group, but to be honest, this logic is a bit like saying no one should get to say “Merry Christmas” to another person, because the other person might not celebrate Christmas and that makes the greeting offensive.  Why does the holiday have to apply to everyone for it to be applicable? By that logic we should outlaw all Holidays because they most likely are inapplicable or offensive to someone.  Flag day?  Sorry, your neighbor could be Canadian.   Arbor Day?  Your second cousin was killed by a falling tree, so a day celebrating trees is too painful.   I am not a big fan of Halloween, but that doesn’t mean I begrudge other people the celebration.  I am not Jewish but feel free to wish me a Happy Hanukkah.  I won’t mind.

Secondly, we as women are great at building unrealistic expectations and then being furious when the men in our lives or our children do not reach those expectations.  That’s OUR problem, not theirs.  On Mother’s Day, it is a chance for us to acknowledge the mothers in our lives—our own, people who have been mother figures in our lives, our grandmothers, or if they are all passed, perhaps remembering them fondly.  It is a time when children lovingly make messy hand-printed cards in school and make a huge mess in the kitchen trying to make us breakfast.  Does this cut down on our work load or give us a break of some kind?  No.  We are mothers—that is a 24/7 job.  I don’t know why there is an expectation that Mother’s Day = no work for mommy day.  If we drop that fallacy and just accept the small tokens of appreciation given to us, and perhaps use the day to be grateful for our children, the wonderful, exasperating, adorable, messy, infuriating blessings that they truly are, we wouldn’t “hate” this holiday so much. 

Do Fathers have so much expectation around Father’s Day?  Would they even notice if the day passed with minimal fanfare?  Likely not.  They don’t have the same wild pinterest-fueled fantasies we do and so they enjoy the day more.

Tomorrow is my second Mother’s Day.  Last year we did absolutely nothing because we were dealing with moving and family drama and that’s just how it happened.  I was a little disappointed because I didn’t even get to spend time with M.  Tomorrow if I am very lucky we will go out to breakfast, where likely my squirmy toddler will not sit still and we will have to take turns eating and chasing him around the restaurant.  Then I might get a trip alone to Target to buy baby wipes and contemplate inexpensive maternity wear. And it will be lovely all the same.  I probably won’t get flowers or a card.  It is not in my husband’s nature to plan elaborate celebrations or think in-depth about gift giving—it is not because he does not love or appreciate me—it just isn’t part of who he is, and I refuse to punish him for it.  Every once in a blue moon he surprises me with something outside the box and it makes it that much sweeter for its rarity.  He does lots of things every day (like currently cleaning the kitchen after my cooking marathon yesterday, and changing every weekend diaper) that are a million times more valuable to me than a random object or a piece of paper.

So Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there—I hope it’s a lovely day, full of kisses from your babies and minimal diaper/potty disasters. 

7 Quick Takes

Joining Jen for my Friday lazy post.

-1-

Thursdays are a hard day, but it has more to do with Wednesday.  On Wednesday I get up at 4am to be at work by 6:30.  I teach a class, do recruitment and otherwise work very hard often on my feet for much of it from 6:30 until 5pm, and then a 1 hour plus drive home.  I get home wiped and wired- it’s hard to wind down because like a baby, I’m overtired.   On Thursday, it’s just me and Max all day—the only day all week I don’t have a babysitter for part of the day.  He is a good kid most of the time, but I am just so unbelievably exhausted I want to lie down and do nothing—which doesn’t work that well with a busy toddler.

-2-

Dude.   Being pregnant is hard work.  I had kind of forgotten how exhausting it is to grow a human.  Especially because when I was pregnant with Max I could lay around all day if I was tired and take naps.  Now I have so much more stuff to do all day, a tiny person to wrangle, more responsibility at work, and it’s hard.    When I’m doing a lot I get what I assume are Braxton Hicks contractions—my abdomen gets tight and tired and I just want to lie down.

-3-

Tomorrow we are not only celebrating Mother’s Day with the in-laws, but also my father in law, sister in law, and grandmother in law’s birthdays, which are all in May.    So OBVIOUSLY I’m bringing cake, but I’m actually cooking everything.  My in-laws just got back from an international trip, and my mother in law is having some planned tests and will be in the hospital starting Monday so I offered to do everything.  Usually my big holiday is Thanksgiving but I will have a newborn and be out of my mind then, so no cooking for the holidays for me this year!  I am making pasta salad, chicken, grilled vegetable salad and CAKE.  Ironically I am hating chicken right now, it’s one of my few food aversions, but my in-laws only really eat chicken and fish and fish isn’t something easy to cook ahead (I’m also a total fish snob, and it’s not really in season), so chicken it is.  Blech.   More room for cake!

-4-

I would just like to share, in case I don’t emphasize this enough on my complain-y blog, that my husband is awesome.  If he wasn’t such an involved, hands-on dad we would not be having another baby yet—I couldn’t do it.  He’s a GREAT dad and our kids are lucky to have him. (And me too).

-5-

The view looking up from my office, which will be the baby’s room. No ceiling!

We are gearing up for a MAJOR house project.  We are not only replacing windows on all three floors of the West side of our house, but rebuilding the entire wall.  The wall faces Puget Sound (we are very lucky to have a lovely view!) and has 1960’s single pane windows and minimal insulation.  Not only is it not energy efficient but the wind kicks up off the Sound in the Winter and SHAKES the whole house and it’s kind of scary.  M. has been meeting with contractors and window people for weeks trying to get it all set up.  He is also planning on rebuilding the walls to the kids rooms, which currently are just cubicles in our open loft upstairs.  This means Max can hear EVERYTHING in other parts of the house, even with a fan on.  He sometimes wakes up because we are speaking at a normal volume in the living room.  Not good with a baby on the way.  So he is going to insulate the walls and add ceilings to the rooms so the kids will get some quiet.

-6-

I feel strongly this baby will be a boy.  We talk about “him” and “he.”  However, I was quite convinced Max would be a girl so I’m clearly unreliable on this topic.  I’m fine with either—we have lots of boy stuff and it would be fun for Max to have a little brother, but it would also be fun to have a “mix pack” and have one of each.   We have exactly one boy’s name we both at least sort of like (all my favorites M immediately rejected and vice versa!) and a longer list of girl’s names, though I have a favorite.  90% sure what the middle name for each will be, as I like using family names.  We decided not to talk about names anymore until we find out if it’s boy or girl because it was getting stressful not agreeing.

-7-

I have two pictures on my desk.  One is of M and Max last summer in San Diego.  The other is of me and M from approximately 1998.  Max was just in here and pointed at the picture of him with his dad and said Dada!  I picked up the one from the 90s and said who is this?  He had no idea who either of those people were.  Clearly we are more ancient looking then we thought!

Oh baby (2)

So many things happen when one is in the first trimester that don’t get shared.  And I think, I should remember that for the blog, but of course most of that has been forgotten. 

When I was pregnant with Max, I wondered how people survive pregnancy when they have a toddler.  And the answer, I can now tell you, is somewhat poorly.  I am extremely lucky not to be someone who pukes all day long when incubating a human, but I also have thrown up way more this time than last, and I owe most of that to the disgustingness of having to change diapers when nauseated.   With cloth diapers, one has to empty the solid contents of the diaper into the toilet and rinse if necessary before putting them in the diaper pail.  And I just CANNOT do it some times.  Just changing the diaper at all leaves me retching violently, which Max thinks is hilarious.  There was one day where I had to change SIX poopy diapers in an 8 hour period.  After awhile I just started putting them in the bathtub upstairs for M to deal with (poor man).  Sometimes I just retch for no discernible reason, or because I remember something that was gross from before.  One day I put my lunch in an old reusable grocery bag that smelled kind of chemically and not only did I throw up in the driveway before leaving for work, but I also had to hide the (bright orange) bag under my desk at work and I still cannot look at it or deal with it because the sight of it continues to be a trigger.  I cannot explain it.

On the one hand, the fatigue isn’t as bad as the first time because I have a much higher threshold for being exhausted then I did before I had children.  On the other hand, at times I have found myself falling asleep with Max on my lap watching Sesame Street, or while he plays with something on the floor next to the couch only to be woken violently by a toy car crashing down on my head.  My house stays kind of messy and meals seem to be a distracted scramble every time.  I would love to get a bit of energy back.

With Max I had severe food aversions and basically ate nothing but processed carbs for the first 14 weeks because protein and warm food was disgusting.  Chicken is a little hard for me to deal with, but otherwise I’ve pretty much been able to eat normally. 

My lowered immune system has been the worst—I had a head cold maybe 3 weeks ago, and now I have another one.  Max and his buddy K had it, but it was really just a few days of runny nose and coughing for both kids.  I have been miserable for a week now—my whole head is stuffed up, I can’t hear, I’m coughing up stuff, which makes me retch more (vicious cycle!) and my running nose and cough keep me awake at night.

My tummy is growing faster this time too, but I think it’s higher.  I didn’t really look pregnant until 15-16 weeks before, and now (at 13 weeks) if I wear something fitted you can definitely tell, though mostly I’m still in the awkward, “maybe she’s just getting chubby?” phase.  All but my skinniest jeans still fit and I was having to use that hateful bella band thing by now with Max, but he carried extremely low the whole time.  Multiple people (L, my brother, my boss) guessed or suspected without me saying anything, so apparently it’s written all over my face.

My back keeps threatening to go out but I’m trying to save my limited chiropractic coverage for a bit later.  Plus we just got a new mattress which I’m hoping helps.

As for the timing, let me set the stage;  When Max turned one, I had thought we would wait until around now to start trying to get pregnant so the kids would be 2-2.5 years apart.  It took us 6 months of compulsive temperature tracking to get pregnant with Max, and M pointed out it could take a long time.  We have had friends that had secondary infertility and tried for a very long time.  Thus, the day before Max’s birthday I said goodbye to my IUD.  I wasn’t really trying, didn’t do temperatures, had only a vague sense of any of those details.  Imagine my absolute SHOCK then, when 5 weeks later, before the bill for my IUD removal had even arrived, I peed on a stick with two lines.  WTF?! On the FIRST TRY?!  I will also mention that on this particular day of late period I also had the stomach flu and had momentary terror that this was how morning sickness was going to go for me (it is always weird when stomach flu is a relief).   It was completely bizarre and it took me probably two months to even kind of wrap my head around the fact we will have another baby before Thanksgiving. 

So that’s how baby 2 came to be, he or she is definitely determined to be here and we are grateful and happy. (We can talk about how I’m kind of terrified of managing two kids under two some other time…)

 

The longest 90 minutes of my life

This morning I had my first midwife appointment.  It was pretty standard, up until the very end when she put the doppler to my tummy.  For several minutes she searched for baby’s heartbeat but couldn’t find it.  She even went and got a different doppler, but nothing.  Finally she had the nurse schedule me for an ultrasound– the earliest they could get me in was 90 minutes later.  I called M in tears from the hallway and he packed up our sleepy toddler and came down to hold my hand while I waited.  (Meanwhile I sobbed in the car for half an hour praying God that baby is ok, until they arrived).  Finally, after an eternity, the sonographer got me on the table and right away, there was baby, heart beating away, waving at me. 

I’m so grateful that he or she is fine.  I’m also completely and utterly spent and exhausted.

Some BIG news

Coming November 2013…..

7 Quick Takes

Somehow these Friday quick takes posts seem more doable and force me to actually post something.  I do also need to write a 15 months post for Max, so maybe this weekend.  So joining Jen, and emptying the contents of my brain.

1. My mom brought me a bunch of misc. geneology research she has saved.  By far the BEST though, was a six page letter my grandmother wrote me when I was in eighth grade I had not remembered at all.  I had to do a project for a class researching my family tree.  I think I might have forgotten the letter because at the time, I mainly needed the names and birthplaces type of info, and what she wrote was a very rich story about her parents, grandparents and what it was like growing up on their farm.  As I read it again as an adult, some three years after she passed away, I was moved by how precious this document is, so full of her voice and personality.  It is a beautiful look back at this woman that I loved so much and a window into a time in her life I didn’t know a lot about.

2. My parents are deeply devoted to Costco.  If they need something and you can buy it at  Costco, they probably at least considered it.  So since 5th grade when I first needed glasses, I think I have always gotten eye exams, glasses and contacts from Costco.  And never have I experienced such a disorganized mess as my trip there this week. It’s such a long story I think maybe it deserves it’s own blog post.

3. Yesterday was a very LONG day.  Max refused to take a nap in the morning.  He had his 15 month check up at the doctor at 11 where he was both traumatized by being weighed and measured (don’t ask me why this freaks him out but it does) and then again for a vaccination,then we stopped at the store, and by the time we got home at 12:30 he was hysterically tired and passed out for an hour.  His grandparents came by while he was asleep because M was taking them to the airport, and he woke up to see them briefly before they left.  The rest of the day he was cranky, clingy and refused to sleep any more.  M was home late since he’d taken off mid-day for the airport run, and so I did bedtime routine, which included poop in the bathtub, pee on the floor, and an exhausted mommy.  I think I ate yogurt for dinner– I know I didn’t cook.

4. Max’s doctor determined the rash that won’t go away is likely Eczema, and she recommended we try taking out dairy for a month.  I was quite sure this is what she would say, since if I was being honest with myself, if he were my patient that’s what I’d recommend too.  The thing is yogurt and cheese are my go-to easy food that I know he’ll eat.  It’s fast, the baby sitter can get it without me preparing it ahead, and I put cheese on everything and he eats our food.  I was dairy free for years, so it’s not like I don’t know what to do, I’m just not looking forward to it.  But I think May will be dairy free for Max.

5. I rarely buy fiction books, and even more rarely do I buy new ones (the Harry Potter books when they were coming out were a notable exception and those plus the occasional desperate airport purchase).  However, I have heard nothing but amazing things about Gone Girl, and yet have managed to avoid any plot spoilers other than a general “there’s a twist”.  The waitlist at the library is insanely long and it’s unlikely I could finish reading it before I had to return it so I actually BOUGHT a book (and not a digital whatever but like, made from trees).  Crazy.  I haven’t started it yet, but am looking forward to it.

6. Do you guys watch The Voice on NBC?  I don’t watch a lot of that kind of show, and I can’t stand American Idol, but I love the Voice, and am loving Usher and Shakira this season (though I admit, Shakira’s music is not my taste). I so appreciate that every contestant has genuine talent and there is a minimum of irritating hidden advertising (unlike American Idol blatantly hawking Ford and Coke). I watch it online or on demand so I’m several episodes behind, but it’s also nice because I can have it on in the background when I’m playing with Max and I don’t miss any plot points.  Plus, he likes the music and we dance.

Headband, I salute you!

7. I can not wear headbands.  They are handy because I have layers and so if I put my hair up, some still falls in my face. Or if my hair is dirty (like today) it helps hide the worst of it.  However if Max sees a headband on my head he claims it for his own.  He wants me to put it on him, which he then immediately takes off, then I have to put it on me, then he chews on it, then repeat the whole process.  He also likes for his dad and his stuffed animals to take turns wearing it.  I end up digging in the toy box when I need to wash my face trying to find one.